Whether you are in the process of or contemplating individual, couple, or family therapy, you know you want your situation to get better. Things feel like they haven’t been improving or getting steadily worse. One thing is certain, you want to see a positive shift take place.
It may be hard to discern how to get the most out of your time in therapy. Some people know what is problematic about their situation and what to address to help them experience a meaningful difference to alleviate the tension they are experiencing. Some people have an inclination that something is “off” and that they need help in their situation. Others come in wanting to improve on what they have in place.
No matter how you are entering into or participating in the counseling process, the question of how to get the most out of your time, energy, and money quickly arises. What can you do to help yourself see the changes that will alleviate the pain and stress you’re grappling with?
I have compiled a list of things I believe are particularly beneficial that clients can think about and do to facilitate their counseling journey.
Practical Tips
Take care of housekeeping matters first. If there are any particular changes to your schedule or information that you need to address, take care of these items first. This can include scheduling your next appointment or filling out any other paperwork. This allows for more time to address the things that matter to you and not have to make a sharp transition from difficult emotions to practical matters. This creates the most space for addressing the things you want to address with your time.
Schedule therapy at a good time. While there are a lot of things that we have to devote our time to, it is okay for you to be choosy (when you can) with the time you schedule your appointments. Sometimes this is not particularly within our control. However, when possible, it is best to allow for some time after your session that you can sit with what you learned.
Have your devices silenced when you can. Sometimes you’re expecting a call or need to be more available for the people in your life. Creating a boundary around the ease for others to reach you when you are in session is an important piece of self-care. It says to yourself that you and your situation are important and deserve the attention and time you have set aside to work on you and your relationship.
Have a goal and write it down. Ask yourself what would you like to be different as a result of your time in counseling. If you aim at nothing, you will hit it. What do you want to gain from the process? You may see your goal evolve with time. Being specific about the differences you want to see provides a trajectory for getting the most out of the counseling process.
Conceptual Tips
Recognize that things often get worse before they get better. When you address marital problems or begin looking at your various traumas, your situation may feel like it is about to implode around you. Often, our problems are held in a very delicate tension that when we begin to address them the situation takes what feels like a dire turn. It is hard to trust the process in these moments. Trusting the process is worth it. Your therapist is there to help be a support as your situation adjusts. Therapy can bring up a lot of unaddressed things in your life and often comes with some growing pains.
Talk about yourself and your emotions. It is easy to talk about all of the things that are going wrong or frustrating you in your relationship or your situation. For those of you in couples or family therapy, this may sound like a shift from talking about what it is your spouse is doing to talking from your experience in these moments. For those in individual therapy, this may sound like expressing what it is like to be you in moments rather than talking about the things that are troubling you. There is a marked shift that occurs when we talk from our experience rather than about our experience.
Talk about how things are affecting you now. Depending on your situation, you may have a laundry list of past hurts that have been levied at you by your spouse or other people in your life. By focusing on how past hurts are impacting you presently, there is more opportunity for change to take place.
Think about your role in the problem. We are often much better at pointing out the faults in others. It takes a special kind of honesty to look at how you are showing up that is contributing to the disconnection or broader problem. You may have sound reasons for the way you show up and try to address the problem you’re seeking counseling for. Changing how we approach and participate in our relationships can result in quick, positive shifts.
***Here’s a bonus—enjoy the journey. Therapy can be enjoyable too! While there are hard moments, there are incredibly rewarding moments as well. Allow yourself to enjoy the breakthrough moments and growth you will come to see.
Putting It All Together
There are so many elements to consider while in therapy. For those of you who like a more bite-size form of the above tips, it’d be this: The more (1) present, (2) internal, and (3) specific you can be, the more likelihood you have of making the most of your time in therapy.
I believe that these tips are the secret to getting the most value out of your time in therapy. Your therapist will collaborate with you to help facilitate this process. You aren’t alone. You can actualize the differences you want to see.
Erich Campbell, MS, LAC, LAMFT received his Masters in Marriage, Couple, and Family Counseling from Harding University of Searcy, AR. He is a licensed associate counselor and licensed associate marriage and family therapist in the state of Arkansas, USA. His clinical work centers on individuals, couples, and families with a wide range of presenting issues. Erich finds enjoyment in providing hypnotherapy to his clients as well. He runs his blog through his website erichcampbellcounseling.com
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